don't you hate it when you get slapped in the face?

i do. and i hate to say it, but i should have listened when i was warned. i wish this wouldn't have gotten this far, and i wish i wasn't the bad guy. i've gone out of my way to make things right, and yet, you make me look bad. you take my words out of context, and use them to your advantage. why? i don't think i deserve this. i don't think i should have lost what and who i've lost. my brothers, friendships, the boy i loved, my church, i mean, how could you? i thought you were my "best friend" but, i'm better off, and i've gain someone i can't live without. i've grown much closer to courtney, and i'm exteremely thankful. i've learned to rely more on god, and know he'll get me through it all. i guess, i'm meant to be without these people, so be it. i'm sure if you read this, you'll start saying, "what are you talking about? thats not true. Lindsey, can you believe she said this?!" ect ect, and thats fine, i'm not pointing fingers, blaming or holding a grudge. thank you for teaching me a lesson, i'm sorry you had to ruin lives, mine included.

have i told you

how blessed i am? because i mean, the blessings just keep coming. sure, i miss him, and it still hurts kinda, but 98% of the time i'm overjoyed. i didn't think my life would ever be this good. plus, now i'm going to camp, how awesome is that?! god's really been looking out for me. c00l

wow

today is one of the greatest days i've had my whole life. i mean, i found out he's moved on, and at first it hurt bad, but then i realized, all i was doing was holding on more, and what i needed to realize, was that he's moved on, and i shouldn't sacrifice my happiness, and my amazing relationship i've got with god, just to be hurt. it also ment alot to me, that both his parents and family, said i'd always have them. which was really cool, because his cousin, and his mom and dad are sooo amazing. plus, i'm really getting support for sober force, and man, i'm blessed. i'm doing my best to show others how seriously awesome god is. god has cleaned me out, i'm empty, and i can feel him just pounding away at me, molding me, making me, and i counldn't be happier. i guess, the moral to my story is, he takes things away, to give you more. keep your faith, he won't let you down, i promise. i'm happy for him, and i'm happy. now, i just have to get my friends happy.

find yourself

i know who i am, who i'm not, and who i'm supposed to be. i just miss childhood, but i'm begging to be an adult. i'm caught in the middle. atleast, i have god to count on.

i'm figuring everything out

i haven't been attending church, and i can't exactly tell you why.



all i know, is god is molding me, and i'm ready for whatever he wants me to do after my changing.


pray for me

mm, work

i'd love to have a solid job, ha. i help my mom at her salon when she asks for it, which isn't as often as i'd like. but today, with my pay i got, bobby pins, the new jonas brother's dvd, and tanning lotion. so, tomorrow i'm gettin' my tan on! things have gotten easier with getting over him, soon i'll be deleting him from my aim, and my myspace. its for the best, atleast for now. plus, i've got great shows coming up, and i hope something good will come, maybe a new boy? my writing is coming along well, and i'm generally, a happy person. but i have my moments! anddd, my hair is a solid color now, how exciting. my art is taking back up my time, yes.

:}

do you think

that this process, or where my life is taking me is easy? do you think its okay that you just left when you promised you wouldn't ever think about leaving me? It's not even really that you left, its that you keep coming back your always on my mind. i hate it, i hate being the unhappy one, when you can just go on with your own life like i never existed, like you never knew me. you come to point my flaws out, then you leave again. i hate it, you surround yourself with pretty girls and your bros who "care" about you, when i'm here with nothing but god. i wish you would just wake up, and at least notice my agony. we were so happy, i mean happy. i've never felt so comfortable and wanted by someone. i hate that you woke up one morning, and decided all this, not even talking about it. you're not making sense, and i can't get over you like you got over me. i guess kait was right, it is easier to leave then it is to be left. i told you it was all just a dream, that i'd wake up and you'd be gone. so tell me dear, did you ever fall inlove?